Our Greatest Loss of 2006

This has been a rough year for those of us who are fans of honor. Let us take a moment to remember our most tragic loss of this past year: the political career of Donald Rumsfeld.

Having been brought down by a Bush-bashing boorish buttsex ballot box midterm coup, Mr. Rumsfeld wasn't just America's finest ever Defense Secretary, he was the very personification of America's rugged scrotum. Contemptuous of his effeminate lessers in the media, he brought strength and hope to those of us who yearn for the days when authoritative machismo was something to be revered, not mocked. And that's why the Left tried so hard to bring him down. The testicular wisdom of a noble patriot did not square with their dream of a society in which doubt-ridden vaginistas give Americans their prancing orders and our mighty Constitution is little more than a granola tampon.

As traditional male authority wanes and men like Donald Rumsfeld and me are cheerfully defied, we all become blubbering bridesmaids in the wedding of Allah and Alan Alda.

The pansy-pussy liberals had a good year. Penile authority has been diminished. But, hey. Stuff Happens. We patriots still have Rumsfeld dancing deep in our hearts. America's unrestrained testosterrific glory will make a smiting comeback in 2007.


I know why the caged patriot sings.

It's because he's awesome.

Manley's Growing Influence

In an act of courageous patriotism and spellbinding mansomeness, Jesus' General, the ultimate American's American, has linked to my anti-Polk Daily Kos diary.

I just came a little bit.

New Anti-Polk/Pro-CHRISTmas wallpaper

Just in time for CHRISTmas, I thought I'd deck your damn halls with some new wallpaper. Let everyone around you know exactly how you feel about Christmas and former President James "Gay" Polk all at the same time.

(widescreen)


(regular-ass screen)

Oh my! Do i feel a DRAFT?

Ahoy, gentlemen. Today, the "press" has reported on encouraging developments on the manliness front! The Secretary for Veterans Affairs has fired a man-shot across the bow of anti-American homoleftism by saying "society would benefit" from the reinstatement of the draft! They're even testing out the man-chinery of the draft to make sure it'll work good when the time comes to really rock out!

This news has sent my patriotestosterone roaring down the Manley Highway at the speed of Right. The draft is precisely what our sweet-ass nation needs. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm against liberal governmental intrusion into our lives when it comes to saving whales, lowering the amount of E. coli in our tap water, and teaching our schoolchildren how to smoke pot and penises. But conservative government coercion is to be lustfully embraced. When you're forced to fight a war to strengthen the authority of your leaders, you appreciate American Freedom all the more when/if you get home.

Regrettably, my excema would prevent me from serving, but then I'm more valuable to the war effort by blogging anyways. Just like when, during WWII, Ronald Reagan was instructed to assist the war effort by making monkey documentaries for Uncle Sam.

Of all the awesome things a draft would do, the most awesome thing of all would be that our pampered sissy celebrities would be made to fight for my freedom!


All kidding aside, the draft might be the key to America securing victory in the War On Christmas. It would be reckless NOT to implement it. Remember, Secular Claus knows when you're sleeping, and knows when you're awake.

Don't be caught sleeping.

Soy's here, and soy's queer.

WorldNetDaily is widely acknowledged to be America's most trustworthy source of medical, spiritual and sexual guidance, as proven by the fact that Chuck Norris writes for them (Take that, Le Monde). Therefore, it is with the utmost manful urgency that I bring unto you this eye-opening article on the link between soy consumption and homofabulosity. The startling truth is that if you connect the dots, the lines connecting the dots spell out "Soy makes you gay".

Is WorldNetDaily exaggerating the gravity of this latest threat posed to American men's heterosexuality? If you think so, the following should set you straight, so to speak. Given what my research has demonstrated about our limp-wristed 11th President, this daguerreotype photo taken in a 19th-century soybean field is all the proof we need of soy's feminizing effects.

CHRISTmas wallpaper

I think it's been pretty definitively established that Christmas is under attack from elitist secular liberals who celebrate a mysterious unnamed "holiday" and who get their presents not from Santa, but from Satan. It is to combat these godless Jesus-bashers that I give to you my own Christmas wallpaper. Deck your monitor with my boughs of holly and point it at the nearest liberals in your office/family. Pour some American Christmas spirit down their puke-holes.

This is what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.

(regular)

(widescreen)

You're welcome.

Amerigasmic!

Every now and then, when browsing the web, a man comes across patriotic merchandise so elegant, so tasteful, so manful that he is moved to show it on his blog.

This is just such a time.

(The War On) Christmastime Is Here

When you take a rare break from more manly pursuits to walk around the mall, do you ever see one of those elitist "Happy Holidays" signs in the window of a department store? Upon seeing a profitable corporation kick Jesus in the balls by refusing to wish you a "Merry Christmas", does your faith-based rage erupt on the spot? Do you scream until you begin to manfully weep; American Pride streaming down your cheeks? Do you throw yourself to the ground and start ripping off your clothes? As the crowd surrounding you gets bigger, does your screaming only get louder?

Of course, the correct answer to all of the above questions is yes. When a Christian Patriot is reduced to writhing naked on the ground by a secular department store, do you realize how bad this makes them look?

James K. Polk: Wrong for America.

Today, I'm going to give you a history lesson. Now, I'm not normally a fan of history. In fact, when someone tries to tell me something historical, I react with righteous and manful violence. After all, history is one of the Liberal Arts. But sometimes history can be good, so long as it serves the purpose of promoting American awesomeness. It is in that spirit that I bring unto you a historical fact that your left-wing "teachers" probably never told you about. They leave out this sort of thing in History Of Butt Sex 101.

Get this: 150 years ago, Canada stole a vast area of land from America! And they still occupy this land today! Since liberal map-ologists won't tell you the truth, I put together a map that shows what's really going on in North America.


In the 1840s, a big chunk of western North America called Oregon Country was being settles by mighty American frontiersmen. They had lots of honor and were very rugged. Sadly for them, Oregon Country was also being claimed by Canada. And if Canada conjures up images of gayness in your head they way it does in mine, check this out: Canada was owned by BRITAIN back then! This means the people up there were both Canadian AND British - a combination resulting in what scientists refer to as "The gayest people in the world, ever". Think Elton John meets the Kids In The Hall, only all 19th century-like.


Americans knew in their hearts that this land was rightfully theirs. They knew this because they believed in something called Manfest Destiny. This was the belief that it was our destiny to turn the entire continent into a Christian masculine paradise. In other words, a man-fest. And that term had NO gay subtext at ALL.

America's President at the time, James K. Polk, had campaigned on a promise to annex the entire Oregon Country. Polk's campaign ads featured the ragtime song "54-40 Or Fight" by Dead Moon. "54-40 Or Fight" was apparently some kind of secret code that meant "Canada sucks". But after he won the election, President Polk COMPROMISED with the Brits and GAVE AWAY half of the Oregon territory! Archaeologists argue that he did this for three reasons:

1. He was a hippie coward.
2. He was a Democrat. (redundant, I know)
3. As this recently unearthed rare color daguerreotype photo reveals, he was, shall we say, "alternatively-inclined".


Let us belatedly reject President Polk's gay treason and say to Canada: Unhand Our Land At Once.