Our Greatest Loss of 2006

This has been a rough year for those of us who are fans of honor. Let us take a moment to remember our most tragic loss of this past year: the political career of Donald Rumsfeld.

Having been brought down by a Bush-bashing boorish buttsex ballot box midterm coup, Mr. Rumsfeld wasn't just America's finest ever Defense Secretary, he was the very personification of America's rugged scrotum. Contemptuous of his effeminate lessers in the media, he brought strength and hope to those of us who yearn for the days when authoritative machismo was something to be revered, not mocked. And that's why the Left tried so hard to bring him down. The testicular wisdom of a noble patriot did not square with their dream of a society in which doubt-ridden vaginistas give Americans their prancing orders and our mighty Constitution is little more than a granola tampon.

As traditional male authority wanes and men like Donald Rumsfeld and me are cheerfully defied, we all become blubbering bridesmaids in the wedding of Allah and Alan Alda.

The pansy-pussy liberals had a good year. Penile authority has been diminished. But, hey. Stuff Happens. We patriots still have Rumsfeld dancing deep in our hearts. America's unrestrained testosterrific glory will make a smiting comeback in 2007.


I know why the caged patriot sings.

It's because he's awesome.

Oh my! Do i feel a DRAFT?

Ahoy, gentlemen. Today, the "press" has reported on encouraging developments on the manliness front! The Secretary for Veterans Affairs has fired a man-shot across the bow of anti-American homoleftism by saying "society would benefit" from the reinstatement of the draft! They're even testing out the man-chinery of the draft to make sure it'll work good when the time comes to really rock out!

This news has sent my patriotestosterone roaring down the Manley Highway at the speed of Right. The draft is precisely what our sweet-ass nation needs. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm against liberal governmental intrusion into our lives when it comes to saving whales, lowering the amount of E. coli in our tap water, and teaching our schoolchildren how to smoke pot and penises. But conservative government coercion is to be lustfully embraced. When you're forced to fight a war to strengthen the authority of your leaders, you appreciate American Freedom all the more when/if you get home.

Regrettably, my excema would prevent me from serving, but then I'm more valuable to the war effort by blogging anyways. Just like when, during WWII, Ronald Reagan was instructed to assist the war effort by making monkey documentaries for Uncle Sam.

Of all the awesome things a draft would do, the most awesome thing of all would be that our pampered sissy celebrities would be made to fight for my freedom!


All kidding aside, the draft might be the key to America securing victory in the War On Christmas. It would be reckless NOT to implement it. Remember, Secular Claus knows when you're sleeping, and knows when you're awake.

Don't be caught sleeping.

Best. Country. Ever.

Patriotism, as defined in the dictionary, is probably the love and celebration of one's country because it is noble, powerful, awesome, and America.

This blog is dedicated to the notion that a vigorously patriotic culture is necessary to preserve America's status as the greatest country in the universe and the favorite nation of God and Jesus.

Now, it has been suggested that conspicuous displays of national glorification only serve to empower the ruling elite and bolster the egos of the vain and the modestly endowed with vicarious power. And you know who suggests such things? People who want to weaken America and destroy freedom, like Jacques Chirac, Jane Fonda, Osama bin Hussein, Adolf Hitler and Roger Ebert.


We red-statist cyber-Churchills are all about in-your-face-and-up-in-your-business patriotism - the kind of patriotism that distresses America's enemies. Liberal homos will sometimes tell you that respect for elitist concepts like "Constitutional rights" and "civil liberties" constitutes genuine patriotism. That notion deserves a big star-spangled LOL. Who's scared by that kind of limp-wristed patriotism? "Oooh, I support an illegal alien's Third Amendment right to snort marijuana off a gay spotted owl!" Yeah, that's really gonna make Kim Jong-Il quake in his turban.

I support forceful national pride. The sort of strident jingoism that puts hair on your chest and poop in your pants. My quest is a struggle for honor and virtue against the gathering jizz-storm of evildoing. Our society no longer cherishes the time-honored values of nationalism, manliness and jaw-jutting the way it once did. Secularists, feminists, multiculturalists and homosexual interior decorators have amassed at the border of the American psyche and won't rest until they have made us feel really, really bad about the traditional advantages we Anglo Christian hetero-men earned through fastidious bootstrap-pulling. By undoing our Bible Belt with subversive ironic quips, the cut-and-run Commissars seek to make us so demoralized that we get down on our knees, bend over and beckon the explosive blasts of the Islamocommies.

As a masculine patriot with an honor-engorged heart, it is my solemn duty to fight for my country. While some choose to do this by serving in the military, I've chosen to battle our enemies in the front lines of the Culture War by "manblogging" for the red, white and blue. Typing with one hand while holding my flag in the other, I blog to defend your freedom to obey the President.

To flutter your freedom putter, I will be collecting the most inspirational, soul-stirring patriotic imagery from around the web, enmancing (that's like enhancing, only more manful) them with Photoshop power when necessary. I truly believe that if General Patton were alive today, he'd be pwning our enemies with Photoshop instead of a musket and ninja stars.

Lest we get our Liberty Bell rung by the soft bigotry of low expectations, it falls upon us to advance the cause of national self-love. Only then will we successfully preserve and defend the ideals that our Founding Fathers may well have fought for.

Here in America, God regularly sheds his grace on all of us. My job is to gather up that grace and present it humbly unto you to remind you of our divine awesomeness. Nothing less than the fate of all Creation rests on your willingness to believe in American exceptionalism.

Come believe with me.